Wyld Life camp was last week. To be honest with you, at first was completely nervous and apprehensive about going. I wasn't sure if I was adequate enough to do what needed to be done at camp, and ensure that those girls would have the best week of their lives. I wasn't entirely positive that I was spiritually there with the Lord to survive what can be an exhausting and long week. My nervousness surfaced the night before we left when I was attempting to cram as many possible things into the only suitcase I had available, thankfully I was able to make all of the items fit into the emerald box on wheels. I acknowledged the negative thoughts running through my mind, and eventually those thoughts swelled into a large concentrated emotion that sat at the pit of my soul, I really wasn't ready to be a Wyld Life leader, and most certainly not prepared to lead a cabin at camp.
I sucked it up, woke the next morning and tried to regain composure as best as I could for the next five days. When we arrived to Rockbridge (two hours late) we were immeadiately headed to the first Leader's meeting where OJ, our head leader, might has well have punched me in the face with the hand of God. The reality check came so swiftly and unexpected I'm still amazed I that I didn't get lock jaw from my mouth hitting the floor so hard. He called me out. It was like one of those moments where you know the speaker is talking to the entire room, but you just feel like you are the target.. yeah, that's what it was like. I was the target and his words were the arrows that my soul needed. I still am amazed at how the Lord used that perfect stranger and spoke to me in that moment of my complete darkness.
I realized that I may not have been ready for camp, or thought that I was not ready for it, but regardless God was going to use me in my weaknesses. In that moment, I knew that I was good. I was where I needed to be in the battlefield, and my mind was prepared for war, there wasn't anymore fear. He restored my confidence and faith as a leader, a believe, and as His daughter. He empowered me to become a doormat, and to glorify Him in my servanthood and cast out negativity from my mind and soul. Three of the four girls accepted Christ as their Savior that week, God is good.
I came home from camp late last Saturday night, exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. I was completely incoherent of my surroundings. Let's just say being a leader at camp is nothing like it used to be for me, I'm no spring chicken anymore folks. I have no idea how those older leaders do it... there was a 54 year old woman there last week, props to her.. I'm a wimp. Anyways, so as I enter my apartment building and walk up to my door, I acknowledge that the ground beneath me was altered for some reason... whatever, no big deal.. I was too tired and lazy to figure out why I suppose. I just wanted my bed. It was 10:08pm.
I walked in, through my stuff on the floor, and immediately headed to my bed. I had never seen a more beautifully crafted piece of furniture in my life. The pillow-top Serta was such a sight for sore eyes. It was all I could do to not get teary-eyed at it's presence. I knew that I was going to have the best night's sleep ever. I laid down onto the soft comfort of freedom, closed my eyes and waited for the Sand Man to come. 10:15pm, no Sand Man... instead the vibration of my cell phone (still in my jeans pocket, mind you) shook the life right out of me, I moaned... and for some absurd and still unknown reason to me, I answered it.
It was Maddie, one of my high school girls.. she desperately needed to talk to someone, I mumbled to her, hung up the phone, rolled over and tried to fall back to sleep... but then I realized that sleep was no longer an option. I had to find a way to wake up and become attentive because my mumbling to Maddie was actually an invitation to come over and talk. So I got up, and waited for her to come.
While I was waiting I was thinking, not just about how I desired nothing more than sleep in that moment. I was considered about how well of a listener I was going to be to her needs, and whether or not this time with her was going to be beneficial at all for her. I was clearly in no conscious state to be having a strenuous conversation that required use of the brain. Hopefully, God would just show up and do it all for me.
Knock, knock. 10:37pm. Awake, no idea how... I walk to the door, my head staring at the ground.. open the door... and I was totally caught off guard by what I saw. Not Maddie of course, but what she was standing on, a doormat. A doormat. A doormat that I know I had never seen before, one that I had never purchased for myself.. or anyone else for that matter... and a doormat that brought life to my soul instantly. God showed up that night in the shape of a doormat.
It was the reminder I needed to get my mind ready for my conversation with Maddie. It triggered a memory from what OJ touched on at camp. We may not always be ready to serve and to live out our calling, but regardless of our short comings and the times we feel defeated and exhausted, God is ready to use us. He is always prepared and He is always our strong tower.
I quickly refocused on Maddie, and her disaster of a situation at hand. Listened to her concerns, and chimed in when necessary. When it was finally my turn to speak, and share my thoughts with her, God's thoughts (definitely not mine, that's for sure) poured out of my mouth like Niagara Falls after 100 inches of rainfall. He still used me even when I thought I couldn't help a fly.
Maddie left a little after midnight, and I was able to head back to bed. As I laid there thinking about my conversation with her, I remembered the doormat. I got up, and hastened to my apartment door, opened it just enough to peer out into the hallway. There it was, the doormat. Sitting it's own fashion with big, beautiful, blue and turquoise flowers scattered on it's face. I stared at it wondering how the heck it turned up on my doorstep, and thankful that I now had a doormat so my dad could stop making jokes about me not having one (I'll explain later).
Eventually on Sunday after I was able to find some sleep the night before I was sorting through my mail that was waiting for me on the kitchen counter, and I stumbled across some familiar handwriting on an envelope that was not stamped with no address or return address (therefore not sent through the mail). I opened it, a penguin greeted me on the front of the card, cute guy, he was clearly ready for August weather, he had his shades on. As I read the inside of the card, I couldn't help but smile as I realized who the doormat was from, the not so secretive handwriting gave it away regardless of the lack in signature. Thank you for my doormat friends.
You never know when God's going to show up, how He's going to use you... He just does. That's the beauty of this life.
