Home.
What is home... where is home... ? I feel like over the last seven years of my life I have been asking myself this question often. Is home Columbus, where my parents are? Where the house is that I grew up in? Where my childhood and adolescent memories are?
Or is home here, in BG? Where I have spent the last seven years of my life, investing my life into the community here, and the people... and finding my niche... ?
I think that after years of searching, I finally found the place that I call home. It makes sense why it took me so long to figure it out, especially since both places hold such beautiful places in my heart, that are deeply rooted. But... now, after much thought and shaping of my heart I've realized where I want my home to be. Here. :)
Home
by Michael Buble
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
blindness.
I was reading through the book of John today, and I came upon chapter 9 where we learn about the story of Jesus healing a blind man. Can you imagine what life would be like if you were blind.... and then all of a sudden one day you could see? Hurts my eyes kind of just to think about it.... a smudge of pain just because I know how much I hate opening my eyes in the morning when it's bright outside. I couldn't imagine opening my eyes for the first time and experiencing the bright light of the sun, not to mention the radiance of the Son, and the life He has to offer when we can completely see.
Blindness, interesting....
So, by now I'm sure you're all probably well aware that I am dating someone... yes, this girl finally has a boyfriend - a really good one too. Some of you may have thought this day would never come, don't worry - I was with you in that camp. It's still weird to think about sometimes. After being single for well over the majority of my life I became used to it, and not just used to it but familiar with it, and I grew to really enjoy it. Through the hardships and bumpy roads along the way, I learned what it meant to be romanced by the Lord, to be fully dependent on the Father, and to be enthralled by the King. I began to crave date nights with Jehovah, not anyone else really. I got to a point where I was so thankful and excited to be where I was with the Lord and embracing my singleness completely as Paul suggests that I honestly went blind to prospects around me.
When Ryan and I started dating, I'm going to be honest... there was a bit of pain that came with the fun, happiness, and excitement. I had to put my singleness to death for awhile... potentially a long while. Even though dating this great man has been more than I could have ever asked for, I still feel a twinge of pain for letting go of being single - for letting go of the life that Paul strongly suggests we embrace and dwell in for the Kingdom and for our Savior. I was living it as best I knew how, and I was enjoying it. Then when this all happened, I had to let it go - a bit of pain. Just a little, not a lot.
Even though there was that little bit of pain... I can promise you I would do it all over the same way again.... and again.... and again.... ..... and again....
Oh, right so about this blindness, I was getting somewhere with it....
For those of you who know me well, might be familiar with the story of how Ryan (my main squeeze) and I started dating a couple months ago. However, what you may not know is the back story, because I didn't even know about it until recently. Ryan became attracted to me in August, and then started to pursue me in October... which was FIVE months before I realized it. Now that I know this piece of the puzzle, I look back on those five months and I can recall several different text messages from him, a Facebook status here or there and even his efforts in trying to talk to me on Sunday mornings.... and I continued to just dismiss all of it. I am an idiot. I had no clue he was interested in me. Even after he intentionally asked me if he could become a volunteer for Brookside Kids, I still didn't realize his tactics - along with his desire to serve our Church. I never realized how blind I was to it all until I look back, and just recall it all. I was so focused on school, and Brookside, and work... that I literally almost missed out on potentially the best thing that could ever happen to me (only second to my salvation through the Cross).
It's amazing what we miss out on when are so engulfed in our own lives. Had Ryan not been patient and persistent in his pursuing me, I'm not really sure it would have happened. I would have missed out because I was blind.
Questions to ponder....
What are some of the things you are engulfed in within your own life? Are these things distracting you and blinding you from something that the Lord has in store for you? If so, are you willing to take a risk and put those things on hold to clear your lenses and see what the Lord is offering you? Just try it... I think it will be worth it - I know it was for me.
Take risks. Give it a chance. Let the Lord surprise you, because He offers some beautiful surprises.
Don't walk around choosing to be blind.... the man in John 9 didn't, so why should we.
Blindness, interesting....
So, by now I'm sure you're all probably well aware that I am dating someone... yes, this girl finally has a boyfriend - a really good one too. Some of you may have thought this day would never come, don't worry - I was with you in that camp. It's still weird to think about sometimes. After being single for well over the majority of my life I became used to it, and not just used to it but familiar with it, and I grew to really enjoy it. Through the hardships and bumpy roads along the way, I learned what it meant to be romanced by the Lord, to be fully dependent on the Father, and to be enthralled by the King. I began to crave date nights with Jehovah, not anyone else really. I got to a point where I was so thankful and excited to be where I was with the Lord and embracing my singleness completely as Paul suggests that I honestly went blind to prospects around me.
When Ryan and I started dating, I'm going to be honest... there was a bit of pain that came with the fun, happiness, and excitement. I had to put my singleness to death for awhile... potentially a long while. Even though dating this great man has been more than I could have ever asked for, I still feel a twinge of pain for letting go of being single - for letting go of the life that Paul strongly suggests we embrace and dwell in for the Kingdom and for our Savior. I was living it as best I knew how, and I was enjoying it. Then when this all happened, I had to let it go - a bit of pain. Just a little, not a lot.
Even though there was that little bit of pain... I can promise you I would do it all over the same way again.... and again.... and again.... ..... and again....
Oh, right so about this blindness, I was getting somewhere with it....
For those of you who know me well, might be familiar with the story of how Ryan (my main squeeze) and I started dating a couple months ago. However, what you may not know is the back story, because I didn't even know about it until recently. Ryan became attracted to me in August, and then started to pursue me in October... which was FIVE months before I realized it. Now that I know this piece of the puzzle, I look back on those five months and I can recall several different text messages from him, a Facebook status here or there and even his efforts in trying to talk to me on Sunday mornings.... and I continued to just dismiss all of it. I am an idiot. I had no clue he was interested in me. Even after he intentionally asked me if he could become a volunteer for Brookside Kids, I still didn't realize his tactics - along with his desire to serve our Church. I never realized how blind I was to it all until I look back, and just recall it all. I was so focused on school, and Brookside, and work... that I literally almost missed out on potentially the best thing that could ever happen to me (only second to my salvation through the Cross).
It's amazing what we miss out on when are so engulfed in our own lives. Had Ryan not been patient and persistent in his pursuing me, I'm not really sure it would have happened. I would have missed out because I was blind.
Questions to ponder....
What are some of the things you are engulfed in within your own life? Are these things distracting you and blinding you from something that the Lord has in store for you? If so, are you willing to take a risk and put those things on hold to clear your lenses and see what the Lord is offering you? Just try it... I think it will be worth it - I know it was for me.
Take risks. Give it a chance. Let the Lord surprise you, because He offers some beautiful surprises.
Don't walk around choosing to be blind.... the man in John 9 didn't, so why should we.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
the day i realized i plan out my sin.
I'm 25 years old. I have lived the majority of my life (all of my adult life - for sure) creating plans and agendas for myself. Anything from where I want to go to college, to applying for different jobs... and even down to when I'm ready to put on my adult pants and become a professional. I've even tried to plan out how and where and with whom I was going to do ministry... I planned on being a Young Life leader... and I planned on being a Young Life leader for the rest of my life... I planned on going on staff... I planned this and that...
Within the last couple months of my life I even planned out the rest of my journey as a single woman. I planned how I was going to utilize my gifts in different areas of my life, and how I was going to spend my free time since I didn't have a spouse or kids to invest in.
I've planned assignments for school. When to do what, and how much time I have to finish an assignment before it's due. I have more to-do lists and checklists than any one person should.
I've planned my bank accounts. My dad taught me how to successfully plan for my financial future, so I've done that. I've planned when I'll graduate with my Masters, when I'll start applying for jobs. I've even planned when I might buy a house in the next couple of years.
I've planned event after event for Brookside Kids. I've planned my next six month journey with Brookside Church.
I am a planner - excuse me... I meant to say, I'm a sinner. I have relied so much, TOO MUCH, on my own plan that I have failed to see how beautiful the Lord's plan is for my life along the way. I got in the way of taking a full look at what He has in store for my life. I didn't acknowledge or notice anything going on that He had up his sleeve until it hit me square in the face.
I am such a planner, I even plan out my sin. I plan when I want to be with the Lord, and what my time with Him is going to look like. Sometimes I plan so many things during the day, I'm not taking enough time (or unfortunately no time at all) to be with Christ. I plan - and sin. I fall short daily, most of the time unintentionally... and sometimes out of complete disobedience because I think that my plan is way better than His plan for me. I know - I'm an idiot. You would think by now I would catch on.
My sinful nature of taking control and planning out my life down to every day gets in the way. It's absurd, and certainly not glorifying to the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 3:20, 1 Peter 5:7... all of them and more need to be continuously put in the front of my mind. I need to keep these verses at my feet, and remind myself of how the Lord's plan is SO MUCH bigger and better than my own.
He has been showing me that over the last several weeks, and I am so thankful for it. My life is slowly moving from a silly sitcom to a daring adventure, and I'm in awe of the work HE is doing.
"He must become greater, and I must become less." -John 3:30
Don't get me wrong, I think planning is a good thing - and a necessity in some of our lives. But I think what I'm trying to say is we need to be ok with throwing the plan out the window. We cannot make the plan an idol as we are often in the habit of doing. We must plan for the glory of the Lord, and when planning becomes more than glorifying Him, then we need to check the posture of our hearts. Like any good thing in this world, it can be coveted... and some may not even realize they are coveting it until it's too late. Which is exactly what I think started happening in my own "planned out" life.
Praise God for throwing some wrenches in my plan, and that I wasn't too blind to see them... and praise God I embraced those wrenches, and allowed the Lord to use them in my life. Because it turns out, those wrenches in my plan... came along to fix and make my plan so much better than what I could have ever imagined.
Embrace God's wrenches in your plan when He throws them into your life.... you never know what He's up to with them.
Within the last couple months of my life I even planned out the rest of my journey as a single woman. I planned how I was going to utilize my gifts in different areas of my life, and how I was going to spend my free time since I didn't have a spouse or kids to invest in.
I've planned assignments for school. When to do what, and how much time I have to finish an assignment before it's due. I have more to-do lists and checklists than any one person should.
I've planned my bank accounts. My dad taught me how to successfully plan for my financial future, so I've done that. I've planned when I'll graduate with my Masters, when I'll start applying for jobs. I've even planned when I might buy a house in the next couple of years.
I've planned event after event for Brookside Kids. I've planned my next six month journey with Brookside Church.
I am a planner - excuse me... I meant to say, I'm a sinner. I have relied so much, TOO MUCH, on my own plan that I have failed to see how beautiful the Lord's plan is for my life along the way. I got in the way of taking a full look at what He has in store for my life. I didn't acknowledge or notice anything going on that He had up his sleeve until it hit me square in the face.
I am such a planner, I even plan out my sin. I plan when I want to be with the Lord, and what my time with Him is going to look like. Sometimes I plan so many things during the day, I'm not taking enough time (or unfortunately no time at all) to be with Christ. I plan - and sin. I fall short daily, most of the time unintentionally... and sometimes out of complete disobedience because I think that my plan is way better than His plan for me. I know - I'm an idiot. You would think by now I would catch on.
My sinful nature of taking control and planning out my life down to every day gets in the way. It's absurd, and certainly not glorifying to the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 3:20, 1 Peter 5:7... all of them and more need to be continuously put in the front of my mind. I need to keep these verses at my feet, and remind myself of how the Lord's plan is SO MUCH bigger and better than my own.
He has been showing me that over the last several weeks, and I am so thankful for it. My life is slowly moving from a silly sitcom to a daring adventure, and I'm in awe of the work HE is doing.
"He must become greater, and I must become less." -John 3:30
Don't get me wrong, I think planning is a good thing - and a necessity in some of our lives. But I think what I'm trying to say is we need to be ok with throwing the plan out the window. We cannot make the plan an idol as we are often in the habit of doing. We must plan for the glory of the Lord, and when planning becomes more than glorifying Him, then we need to check the posture of our hearts. Like any good thing in this world, it can be coveted... and some may not even realize they are coveting it until it's too late. Which is exactly what I think started happening in my own "planned out" life.
Praise God for throwing some wrenches in my plan, and that I wasn't too blind to see them... and praise God I embraced those wrenches, and allowed the Lord to use them in my life. Because it turns out, those wrenches in my plan... came along to fix and make my plan so much better than what I could have ever imagined.
Embrace God's wrenches in your plan when He throws them into your life.... you never know what He's up to with them.
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