learning about what it means to be a daddy's girl

Although Father's Day has passed already, I couldn't help but write a post about how great of a dad I have. I started to write some things once I got inspired.... but I kept hitting the delete key. So I gave up, and decided to just spend some time with the Lord instead, praising him for such a wonderful earthly father He blessed me with.

So, while I was spending some time with the Lord this evening I couldn't help but go back through my current journal and read some of my old notes and prayers. I started back at the beginning of the first day that I used it. I always love my handwriting on the first entry of all my journals. I'm sure if you're a writer you can totally relate. You know how it goes - you put your best foot forward, because it's a fresh start a new beginning. I feel like I always say some profound things in that first journal entry, my handwriting is font-worthy... but then as we dig deeper into the journal the handwriting gets kind of blah, and it almost seems like some of my writings aren't as long and poetic as the first couple. I always tend to find that interesting.... I feel like there can be several parallels to that in life.

For instance - school. Every student, no matter how great or poor of a student you may be... always puts their best foot forward at the beginning of the semester. Take extra notes, arrive to class a couple minutes early, actually listen... and might even open the text book. Then as the semester continues to go on, and on... and on, we all tend to dial back a little. We slack a little here or there, we tend to procrastinate. Even the best planner and "J-minded" folks will even slack on our color coding a little towards the end there - yes, I color code my calendar to match the folders of my corresponding classes. I'm not a nerd, I'm just prepared. You should try it, I think you would find it not only helpful, but also appealing to the eye.

Anyways, back to my journal.....

So, I read my first entry in this current journal (and patted myself on the back for my neat cursive that would have won any handwriting contest in 5th grade - remember those?)... it was this past December 25th, Christmas Day. I remember this last Christmas vividly. It was bittersweet. It was just me, mom and dad. Justin and Kristin (my brother and his wife) were in Cleveland with Kristin's family, and Jessica and Austin (my sister and her husband) were with his family in Van Wert. So, it was just the three of us - me and the parental unit. Christmas morning we were sitting around the breakfast table enjoying my mom's french toast - gosh that woman can cook - and my dad asked us this question: "If you could meet anyone in the Bible, who would it be? Oh - and you can't pick Jesus, because you've already met him." My mom and I kind of looked at one another and laughed at first, then thought about who we would really want to meet. I journaled every detail of that morning because I never wanted to forget it. It was my first Christmas with just me and my parents, and my dad gave me some love, encouragement and wisdom that was worth more than any gift under the tree.

You see, my dad asks a lot of questions, that's probably where I get it from. I'm a lot like my father. Way more like my dad than I am like my mom, I'm certainly learning that more as I get older. Certainly, I have several similarities to my mother, but I think as a whole, I'm more like my dad. So, anyways - my dad asks a lot of questions, but rarely are they questions that could stir up a potentially beautiful conversation centered on spirituality.

My dad waited for us patiently as we thought. My mom was the first to respond, she said she would want to meet Job. Job because she would want to be able to take a walk with him and talk about his sufferings, how well he was able to manage them - but not just manage them, but take them and glorify the Lord with them. My mom hates her job, like seriously hates it. It's really sad, actually. We used to laugh and try to joke around about it, but in the last year or so it has gotten to the point where we just don't bring it up because it upsets her to talk about it. It makes sense to me that my mom would want to meet Job, I think she knows he could give her some perspective that she longs for because she feels so beaten down.

After my mom's response, my dad looked at me - I knew that meant it was my turn. I told my parents that I would want to meet Paul, for a number of reasons, but mainly because he was single. Not because I wanted to woo him over, but because I admired him - still admire him. The man was single for what we know and believe his entire life, he loved the church and he loved Christ. He lived for the church and he lived for Christ. Day in and day out - night after night. He sought to glorify the Lord with every word, action, step and thought. He spent his time focusing on using the blessing of his singleness to bring glory to the Kingdom by spreading the Lord's word and love, and not by moping around and being bummed about not being married or being with someone. Paul was bold. Full of love and grace, and he wasn't scared to dish out the truth when it needed to be give. So, I said Paul.

My dad smiled at me, then winked. Looked back down at his french toast, and gave his own answer. Daniel. He said he wanted to meet Daniel for five reasons.... and here they are, I wrote them down word for word:

1. He was a leader who wasn't about politics. Daniel translated dreams for king Nebuchandnezzar, and was honest and genuine about what the Lord wanted to reveal to the king. He didn't hold anything back or make up nonsense that would put himself in a position that would build up his character. He was genuine and true about who he was, and who the Lord was in his life. People noticed a "Spirit" in him that was like no other.

2. Courageously obedient. Daniel went against what the crowd was doing and chose to glorify the Lord with his diet. He didn't do this in secret either, he made it clear to whoever what he was doing and what his intentions were with not eating the King's meat. His faith was strong enough to convince some of his closest friends to do it too - here you have a courageously obedient leader among peers.

3. Sympathetic. My dad self proclaims that he's not the most sympathetic man, and he would love to talk to Daniel about what it means to be a strong and sympathetic man.

4. He wasn't at all pretentious with his prayer to the Lord. Daniel had a pretty beefed up resume, and not once in his prayer to the Lord does he bring up his "credentials". Daniel is humble and knows where he stands before the Lord, or better said - he knows where he kneels before the Lord.

5.  And I quote straight from my dad's mouth to my journal and now to this blog entry:
"Daniel got to have a sleepover with lions... what a badass".

Isn't my dad pretty awesome? Loving, wise and he is pretty funny. After I read that first page of my journal, I decided to go ahead and start reading the book of Daniel to see what this guy is all about... thanks, for the encouragement dad. :)

You know what I find interesting... I couldn't find the words to write something about my dad in this blog. I had a million different things in my head that I wanted to share and write about, but not one of them could formulate onto this page for me. So I stopped, and surrendered to the Lord, my true Father - and He guided me to the words that I really wanted to share about my daddy. In order to really lift up my earthly dad, I first needed to meet my Father and bring glory and praise and worship to His name first. Isn't that interesting.... ? It's perfect, and it makes perfect sense. Regardless of how much I desire to talk about my own dad, I must look to my Father and Creator first. We must always go to Him first, our Father first... not our daddy's, but our Father.

I'm beginning to learn this more and more in my life as I continue to journey with the Lord. The last 25 years of my life I have always gone to my daddy first for direction, for answers to questions, for praise and approval, for a hug and for comfort.... but I'm beginning to learn what it means to really go to my Father first, for all of those things and more. When I need a little help financially, pray about it first instead of asking dad to give me a couple bucks to get through the week. When I am frustrated with house problems, instead of calling and complaining to my dad I should first cast my anxieties on the Lord because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7).

Even in my dad's response to his own question on Christmas Day, he gave little nuggets of wisdom that pointed to how we can turn our body to face the Lord instead of ourselves. My dad wants me to turn to the Lord first, not him... my Father wants me to turn to Him first and not my dad.

So... friends, that's what this daddy's girl is going to try and start doing, and I encourage my fellow sisters in Christ who consider themselves daddy's girls to do the same.

home.

Home. 


What is home... where is home... ? I feel like over the last seven years of my life I have been asking myself this question often. Is home Columbus, where my parents are? Where the house is that I grew up in? Where my childhood and adolescent memories are?


Or is home here, in BG? Where I have spent the last seven years of my life, investing my life into the community here, and the people... and finding my niche... ? 


I think that after years of searching, I finally found the place that I call home. It makes sense why it took me so long to figure it out, especially since both places hold such beautiful places in my heart, that are deeply rooted. But... now, after much thought and shaping of my heart I've realized where I want my home to be. Here. :)




Home 
by Michael Buble


Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

blindness.

I was reading through the book of John today, and I came upon chapter 9 where we learn about the story of Jesus healing a blind man. Can you imagine what life would be like if you were blind.... and then all of a sudden one day you could see? Hurts my eyes kind of just to think about it.... a smudge of pain just because I know how much I hate opening my eyes in the morning when it's bright outside. I couldn't imagine opening my eyes for the first time and experiencing the bright light of the sun, not to mention the radiance of the Son, and the life He has to offer when we can completely see.

Blindness, interesting....

So, by now I'm sure you're all probably well aware that I am dating someone... yes, this girl finally has a boyfriend - a really good one too. Some of you may have thought this day would never come, don't worry - I was with you in that camp. It's still weird to think about sometimes. After being single for well over the majority of my life I became used to it, and not just used to it but familiar with it, and I grew to really enjoy it. Through the hardships and bumpy roads along the way, I learned what it meant to be romanced by the Lord, to be fully dependent on the Father, and to be enthralled by the King. I began to crave date nights with Jehovah, not anyone else really. I got to a point where I was so thankful and excited to be where I was with the Lord and embracing my singleness completely as Paul suggests that I honestly went blind to prospects around me.

When Ryan and I started dating, I'm going to be honest... there was a bit of pain that came with the fun, happiness, and excitement. I had to put my singleness to death for awhile... potentially a long while. Even though dating this great man has been more than I could have ever asked for, I still feel a twinge of pain for letting go of being single - for letting go of the life that Paul strongly suggests we embrace and dwell in for the Kingdom and for our Savior. I was living it as best I knew how, and I was enjoying it. Then when this all happened, I had to let it go - a bit of pain. Just a little, not a lot.

Even though there was that little bit of pain... I can promise you I would do it all over the same way again.... and again.... and again.... ..... and again....

Oh, right so about this blindness, I was getting somewhere with it....

For those of you who know me well, might be familiar with the story of how Ryan (my main squeeze) and I started dating a couple months ago. However, what you may not know is the back story, because I didn't even know about it until recently. Ryan became attracted to me in August, and then started to pursue me in October... which was FIVE months before I realized it. Now that I know this piece of the puzzle, I look back on those five months and I can recall several different text messages from him, a Facebook status here or there and even his efforts in trying to talk to me on Sunday mornings.... and I continued to just dismiss all of it. I am an idiot. I had no clue he was interested in me. Even after he intentionally asked me if he could become a volunteer for Brookside Kids, I still didn't realize his tactics - along with his desire to serve our Church. I never realized how blind I was to it all until I look back, and just recall it all. I was so focused on school, and Brookside, and work... that I literally almost missed out on potentially the best thing that could ever happen to me (only second to my salvation through the Cross).

It's amazing what we miss out on when are so engulfed in our own lives. Had Ryan not been patient and persistent in his pursuing me, I'm not really sure it would have happened. I would have missed out because I was blind.

Questions to ponder.... 
What are some of the things you are engulfed in within your own life? Are these things distracting you and blinding you from something that the Lord has in store for you? If so, are you willing to take a risk and put those things on hold to clear your lenses and see what the Lord is offering you? Just try it... I think it will be worth it - I know it was for me.

Take risks. Give it a chance. Let the Lord surprise you, because He offers some beautiful surprises.
Don't walk around choosing to be blind.... the man in John 9 didn't, so why should we.