one month down, 11 to go.

Whoever said it would be easy? About a 60 days ago I was excited about the new and appealing adventure of my 12 month lease in my own one-bedroom apartment. It seemed like something so adult-ish, so "the next phase of life" for me, I suppose you could say it just made perfect sense. I would have my own space, a bathroom to myself, an organized very less chaotic bedroom space... but best of all, my own kitchen! I love cooking, I've become quite the little Martha Stewart around here (minus the whole incarceration bit).

The newness of this place has worn off a bit. Yes, I still get excited in the morning when I don't have to worry about sharing the bathroom or having scheduled shower times with other roommates. And I certainly appreciate being able to keep this place as neat and tidy as I desire, or in some situations: a mess and not having to worry about it bothering anyone. That's nice. Although living a relatively independent life alone in this 264 sq. ft. apartment has many, many beautifully positive things, I can't help but be distracted by the darkness at times.

I never imagined it would be as hard as it is though, living alone. In the last few weeks of living in the Cottage with some of the coolest women in my life, I knew it was going to be hard leaving the fellowship and community that we had created within our living situation. I did not doubt that I wasn't going to have a hard time with the quiet and the loneliness at times. I miss late night conversations, Tuesday evening roomie meals, but most of all, the presence and familiarity of the family we had created within our sisterhood. That's one thing I know that I will never have again. No experience will ever compare to what I had with my Cottage girls, those two memorable years at 119 Troup. Miss you ladies.

I've learned one thing this past month about my life, something that I know I can carry with me and is applicable throughout life: Putting worth in Idols will only leave you alone, lost, and searching in the end. I created this apartment into an Idol, and I didn't even realize it until I was all moved in. I thought that this place would fix most things in my life. I was certain that my relationship with the Lord would be the best it's ever been. I was certain that I wouldn't have any distractions from my faith, and I would be able to find a perfect independence in my journey through life, without having to be guided by anyone. I don't think I could have been more wrong. Thankfully, I acknowledge that now before I was in too deep.

One month down, 11 to go. It's my desire to make the best of this living situation, and I intend to do just that. I know that I am where I am at in life right now because God has a plan. His intentions for my life are pure and full of love. This evening while I was reading Psalm 27, I stumbled upon verses 13 and 14, and this is where I found God speaking to me in this moment, "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord!"

And so I shall, wait for the Lord.